One Last Kiss
by Queen K
Summary: Cordelia and Xander share one last kiss before she leaves for Los Angeles.


_She couldn't look back. It was bad luck. And besides, if she looked back, she'd see him. And if that happened, she knew she would never look forward again.  
  
_Cordelia Chase sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated? It was her last night in Sunnydale. Tomorrow, she'd be leaving for Los Angeles. College. Freedom. Loneliness. Half of her was so happy to leave, to just start fresh and not have to look at Xander again. But another part of her wanted nothing more than to stay and be with him.  
  
She was sitting alone at a table in the Bronze, sipping a Diet Coke. She scanned the crowds, looking to see if she'd missed anyone she wanted to say goodbye to. She didn't see anyone. _Who am I kidding? Since I stopped hanging with Harmony, nobody seems to want to be seen with me. Gee, depressed much? _Cordy thought. Maybe Los Angeles was the best thing for her. She could be popular again. She could have friends. And hopefully, there wouldn't be any demons that wanted her dead.  
  
She was about to leave the Bronze, when she saw Xander walk through the door. He didn't notice her sitting in the corner, but she noticed him, oh yes, she did. Her eyes followed him to the couch where he sat down, next to Buffy. They started talking, and they were both smiling and laughing. _What I wouldn't give to be in Buffy's place right now. Eeww, did I just think that?  
  
_Xander didn't know she was leaving. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't look him in the face and say "I'm never coming back." It was too hard. But.. but maybe she should. Just to talk to him. One last time.  
  
Cordelia found herself walking over to Xander and Buffy, but she didn't know how her legs seemed to be more courageous than herself. She took a deep breath, and stepped in front of them.  
  
Xander looked up at her. Cordelia. Her face looked so soft. He wanted to kiss her so much, and tell her he loved her and that he never wanted to stop holding onto her. But how could he do that? They hadn't been together for almost a year. So why was he still having these immoderate thoughts?  
  
"Cordy.." He found himself saying, wondering how his voice seemed to be more courageous than himself.   
  
Cordelia managed a half-smile. "Hi, guys." _Try to keep your cool, Cordy. You know you're prone to insults._  
  
Buffy smiled at Cordy. "How's it going?"  
  
"Alright, I suppose. I.. um.." She swallowed. "Xander, I was wondering if we could talk for a minute."  
  
Xander felt his heart skip a beat. "Uh, yeah. Of course. Uh huh." He motioned to a nearby table, and Cordelia walked over and sat down. Xander looked at Buffy, who gave him a look of comfort, and he then walked over to meet up with Cordy.  
  
Cordelia decided to just spit it out. "Ok, Xander, I may as well tell you. I'm leaving Sunnydale. Forever."  
  
Xander felt his whole world crumble. "Forever? Where.. why?"  
  
"I'm going to Los Angeles. For school."  
  
_I have to tell her how much I care. I have to give it one more shot. I'll never get another chance._  
  
"Cordy.. that's.. that's really great. I'm happy for you. But.."  
  
Cordelia looked into his eyes, wanting so much for him to say 'stay.' "But..?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Cordy sighed. _You have nothing else to say? Dork._  
  
Then Xander did something amazing. Neither one of them could believe it. He reached his hand across the table and placed it on her hand. He caressed her hand, so it held his, and he smiled at Cordy. And more amazingly, Cordy smiled back.  
  
"Cord.. I don't know what's making me say this, but I just have to. I've wanted to say it for so long now."  
  
Cordelia nodded. "What is it?" _Please say what I think you're gonna say..  
_  
"I miss you. So much. Terribly. Every thing I ever did to hurt you, I wish a thousand times a day never happened. Anything to be with you again, to hold you, and so you could smile at me again like you smile at no one else, to let me know I make you happy."  
  
Cordelia felt tears in her eyes. She wished the same thing so much. Why not turn back the clock? What was there to lose?  
  
"I know what you mean, Xander. I miss you like anything. I just want more than anything to be with you and kiss you."  
  
"So.. so can't we give it a try again?"  
  
Yes, or no? Two answers that both held so much power. Like right or wrong, or happy and sad. They seemed so different, but were very much the same.  
  
"I don't know, Xander. So much in me is saying, 'yes, go back,' but I don't know. I don't know if I can do it again. Yeah, sure, the memories of broom closets is what keeps me going, but..it could be bad, and it could be good. So I just don't know."  
  
"Like everything else! Everything has two faces to it, Cordy. But the bad times are only there so happy times can come again."  
  
"Xander, like I said, I'm leaving. Tomorrow."  
  
"We can still make it work. LA isn't too far from Sunnydale."  
  
"Haven't you ever heard 'long distance relationships don't work'?"  
  
"I've heard it, but it doesn't mean we can't defy it."  
  
Xander sighed. He wanted this so badly, but he knew she needed a little time to think about everything, all the consequences that could come. But there wasn't that much time until she left. He'd just have to wait. He wanted her so badly, he'd wait.  
  
Janet Jackson's "I Get Lonely" started to play. Xander smiled.  
  
"Dance with me? One last dance?"  
  
Cordelia nodded, even though Janet Jackson was sooo last year, and they stepped onto the floor.  
  
_I get so lonely  
Can't let just anybody hold me  
You are the one that lives in me, my dear  
Want no one but you  
Sittin here with my tears  
All alone with my fears  
I'm wonderin' if I have to do  
Without you_  
  
They danced close to each other, their bodies barely leaving any room to breathe. They both danced silently, gazing into each other's eyes. Soon, their lips moved in on each other's, until there was only a small space left where only hesitation lay.  
  
The kiss was intense. Long and full of need and want, and all that lay in between. It was full of seven months worth of separation, seven months worth of kisses. Passion.  
  
When they finally parted, Xander noticed that Cordelia was crying.  
  
"What's wrong, Cord?"  
  
"I... I can't not leave. I need to go. I don't want to. I want to stay and be with you."  
  
"It's not forever, Cordy. Just for a while. I'll see you every chance I have."  
  
"It's not the same."  
  
"No, but maybe it's best. We can slowly become a couple again, only a better one."  
  
She nodded, only to satisfy him. Even if she saw him as often as possible, she knew that things changed. Something would happen to make it impossible for them to be together. It was like a premonition. _Whoa, Cor, psychic much?  
_  
She looked in his eyes, full of love. "Kiss me? One last kiss?" He smiled at her, and his dimples comforted her greatly.  
  
They kissed, a beautiful kiss, and held each other close, so close, one last time.  
  
One sweet last time.


End file.
